How are you?
If this is the first Sunday Series post of mine that you’re reading, welcome! As the title suggests, this post is me (Moll, hello) sitting down on a Sunday morning, with my coffee (important detail) and reflecting on the week. It’s a useful exercise for me, regardless of whether anyone reads it, but for those that do, I hope it encourages some refection of your own week, or simply helps you feel less alone in any struggles, weird feelings, or successes that you’d experienced over the past seven days.
If by contrast you have read one, or both, of my previous posts, then you know what this is all about, I’m thrilled that you’re back for more!
What I’m doing is procrastinating. And I’m procrastinating because I don’t really want to address the real, actual, issue of this week…
I like to think I’m a pretty positive person, and as much as possible I want to write and share in a way that reflects this. But my intention with this Sunday Series wasn’t to share the ‘highlights of my week’ – because that helps nobody. My intentions were to reflect on my week as it actually happened, no matter how murky the waters might get sometimes.
…and what actually happened is that I had a panic attack.
My first – and I do hope, my last – panic attack.
So whilst I toyed with the idea of leaving this ‘minor detail’ out, given that I didn’t share it with all that many people when it happened, doing so would have put my at odds with my very own reasons for wanting to write these posts in the first place. And whilst I don’t want this experience to cast a shadow over my week in it’s entirety, nor detract from many lovely and positive things that have happened this week, I equally, didn’t want to simply brush it under the carpet.
So what actually happened?
In short, I still don’t really know. But I ended up leaving my desk where I was working at the time, and feeling like I immediately needed to lay down on the floor.
I was struggling to get any air into my lungs, my face was tingling in a way that made me feel like I had ants crawling under my skin, I was crying and I didn’t know why, and everything just felt off.
I’m grateful that based on how bad I’ve heard panic attacks can be, this one seemed fairly mild in comparison and I got it under control pretty quickly. I took the rest of the afternoon off work, cancelled my evening (virtual) exercise class, lay on the sofa and listened to vinyl until my boyfriend finished work. Then we went for a walk and had a super chill evening.
I’ve been very aware since Thursday that I need to take my foot off the pedal a little and look after my body and my mind. I’ve been for a walk every day. I’ve woken up without an alarm every morning. I’ve done yoga most days, because it makes me aware – in a positive way – of my breathing.
If you wanted to put a positive spin on it, you could say it was a learning experience.
What can I be doing more of that will prevent this from happening again? Those little self-care habits that you never really make time for..
It also made me realise, and become immensely grateful for the people around me – online and offline – who took the time to offer support or advice in the immediate aftermath when I didn’t really know what to make of any of it.
I think I’d like to put together a little Sunday Series ‘extra’ to follow-up, later this week, in which I share all the amazing advice that I was given, so that others can benefit from the kind words and tips – so please let me know if that would be useful, and I can send it over to you once it’s written.
I think that might be enough reflection on Thursday afternoon, for now at least.
The rest of my week really was pretty good. After my mindset shift last weekend around work-stuff and my approach to it, the first few days of this week were productive and far more chill.
I’m continuing to exercise in a way that makes me happy. At the moment this looks like a lot of yoga, and daily walks. I’m surprised at how little I’ve been bothered by the lack of higher-intensity training in my routine at the moment, but I’m not mad about it. After years of taking less-than-optimum de-load weeks (a.k.a lengthier rest periods) my body is probably revelling in the slower pace of movement, and I don’t doubt that it will simply make my return to gym-workouts even stronger.
I’m going to sign off here, before I get carried away and this becomes the third in a series of short novels that I appear to be writing. It’s Easter Sunday today, and if that’s a big day in your house I hope it’s a wonderful one. And if Easter Sunday is ‘just another Sunday’ for you – I hope it is still wonderful.
If you don’t already, please follow me on Instagram, where you can catch even more of my ramblings and fitness, foodie, mental health chit-chats – @moll_eatsandlifts
Until next time,